Manic Monday

It's just another manic Monday

I wish it was Sunday

'Cause that's my funday

My I don't have to runday

It's just another manic Monday

I don't hate today. I'm just a little bit sad. I'm not complaining because I don't have the right. I hurler want to rant and let go of the things I have in mind that actually keeping them torment be everytime.

As I have said on my previous post, Im having a dilemma on either choosing between my bestfriend and a a certain hospital. I've been scrutinizing each side to get a final decision but still I haven't decide not until now that my bestfriend got lucky on a hospital. She finally got in on a hospital that doesn't require you on training. I think she is already employed and will be starting tomorrow . Yes, I'll be lying if I said I'm not jealous. Of course everybody wants to have work with pay already since I need to help my family too. In some way, I need to earn and live independently.but in happy for her. I guess this is the answer to my prayers already. Ibe been asking God to help me where should I go and with what happened today I guess I have te answer at hand already. My bestfriend is such a nice person. I admire her too but she always look down on herself. This is the time for her to shine and im just so happy for her.

We deserve to be happy and she had finally got her happiness. I, too have it!! I may have to train and work for free but that's already a blessing. I know God has His reasons into why He gave me this work and I'm willing to discover why. I am His instrument and I'll do good to prove I'm worthy of everything He gave me.

Lord, I might be still lonely at heart. I mean this day might be a sad day for me but overall this day is still wonderful!! I'm getting well, I'm still alive, I still have the people I love and still I have you in my life. Everything has a reason and I believe that this reasons would make me a better person. There's more to life that I need to discover and learn but whatever it is please guide me so I can take them down one by one !!! Another manic Monday to come?! Uhuh!! No problem!! Whatever it is that may come I will entertain!!! Fighting!!!

*ah for a commercial.. Hay since I can't post it on twitter because my aunt follows me and even on fb cause my aunt and cousins are my friends, decided to write it down here!!!!

Ong, my knees are trembling and I can't believe what I saw!!! I can't believe I'll be seeing his face on another person?!!! How come they look alike?! As in they can be mistaken as a twin!! How come he really looks like him! Aish. This only proves that I'm not yet ready to face him if we will meet!! T T this is really a crazy Monday!!!

* grammar/ typo problems?! Sorry I'm actually typing on my iPod and I'm so tinatamad to check them here kasi maduduling Lang ako! Please understand. Thank you!

Dream High

Hindi ako makamove on! I'm still reminiscing those scenes. Im still wishing and hoping that, that was not a dream- When your lips dampened in mine.

I don't know what was I thinking last night that you unexpectedly appeared in my dreams!!! Was I was thinking of you all the time? But I'm not!!! Cause I was thinking and planning on to what clothes shall I bring on my travel. Although yesterday morning, I was searching for your pictures. Argh, 3 years of difference...it's perfect right?!!!

I want to be with you!! I want to stare on your face every time. I want to listen you sing with those very manly voice. I want to sleep on you arms. I want to cuddle with you all the time!!! I want to have a future with you!!! Damn!

My Dilemma

Here's my dilemma

One half of me wants you
And the other half wants forget
My my my dilemma
From the moment I met you
And I just can't get you out of my head
And I tell myself to run from you
But I found myself attracted to my dilemma
My dilemma
It's you, it's you

Now i' doomed. Its like choosing between the one i love and my best friend. Making decisions have been my biggest problem!! Because i particularly inspect every tiny aspect of every decision at the end it gets me ti nowhere.

i'm actually afraid to go out to my shell but im trying to do it this past days. im trying to change myself for the better but it seems im on my limitation and im afraid to decide again.


i met new friends and they kept me entertained. They are my road buddies for we have traveled together looking for hospitals. I guess, friends can't really be together forever. i mean, in the future we will have our own path to take. in the future, we wont be holding on to each hands but i know we will still be contact.

now it seems we are about to end the happiness of being together and actually face the future we have. we can't rely on each other forever. We have to get out and try to be independent for once.

i think im having a seperation anxiety now that im really having dilemma on what to do, where to go, how am i going to make a good decision.

a friend said that i should choose where i am happy at but still i need to consider that i wont hurt anyone. but it seems that if not about to hurt anyone, im going to hurt myself. my wings are ready to spread but i cant just spread it out wide.

im on a dilemma and i don't know what to do. i need to decide so as to inform people and actually let us start preparing.

oh, Lord please help me to decide!!!

Perpetual Happiness

The Lord says we have to be patient and that we should keep our faith strong. I waited and let God lead me the way. I asked for one and He gave me four. Isn't He so good? Now I'm having headache for the decision hahaha

Today I went for an orientation at North Caloocan Doctors hospital. I really like the hospital because even though it's small, the people there are really kind and amazing. I felt like I could actually fit in and I have visualized myself working there already.

Then came the problem.perpetual help of Manila sent a message that I was chosen for a 2 month training. The hospital is bigger than north Caloocan. Then after lunch another text came from Caritas. It was the head asking for an interview on Monday, 2pm!!! I'm doomed right? I don't know what to do already. Im confused unto transferring to another hospital but leaving my bestfriend. It's hard!!! Then when I thought I have made a decision 75% ready, perpetual succor texted for a psychological exam too!!! Omg! My brain in overheating and is about to explode!!!

Now every prayer that I asked is being given. Everything is being fulfilled and I'm just so honored and happy for everything although on the other side I'm currently having a dilemma here and there but I know God will help me find the light.

I'm just so happy tonight because a lot of opportunities are coming! Every sweat we had for applying here and there got rewarded!!! This had been a great day!!!! I love you Lord!!

Thank you perpetual!!!

The Moon that Embraces the Sun

We fell in love young. We offered our hearts early. We gave everything at early age but what we don't have in common is that she still deserves his love while I don't.

I'm trapped inside and I don't know how to get out. I'm empty and don't know how will I fill in myself. Maybe I'm already broken. I may still be living and smiling trying to pick up my pieces but everytime I feel I'm close to complete, I drop myself again. Could it be that I'm cursed? Could it be that you cast a spell so my heart won't return to me? I'm so confused. I know I have give it a go and let you live alone. I have made myself stupid for admitting I'm still hurting but why can't you just leave? You have taken all of me without my knowing and it seems that you don't want to return it back to me. I'm doomed right? I'm so stupid!ive been crying and dying while you are going happy with her. I wish I could turn back the time and have chosen to hold on.i should have fought for you. I should've been strong. But what am I going to do? Your not mine anymore but it seems that my heart knows his owner more than I.

I wish I could find my heart back and stop it from breaking. I wish I could find the person who could actually take my heart away from you. I don't know if I'm overacting but even how much I tell myself that I have moved on at the end of the day, my heart still belongs to you.

Someone actually let me remember how much I love you before and now everything seems to fit in. Why haven't I love someone seriously? Why cant I fall? It's because I'm still hoping we could work out. Argh, I wish someone could snatch my heart away from you because I know yu won't take care of my heart anymore. You only have one heart too, and your heart have found its partner.

I'm too pitiful right? Maybe be slowly admitting this, I might actually bring out everything that is hidden inside me until I have nothing. And hopefully after taking out all of this I can start again. It's been 8 years and I think I'm too tired already. The sun can never have two moons in the sky.

Horoscope

My horoscope said a Libra like me can read people and we do it well. And now the premonition is right. i was able to figure out something that lead my heart to bleed.

i cherish friendship like its my life. yes, i get jealous to something and i can't even understand why. Years of friendship, how long you had each others side.. i really treasure those.

but my heart got broken this time. and a boy didn't caused it.

i know i don't have the right but it saddens me, i even want to cry.

i don't know why but im hurting. those simple words/sentences, why can't you just say to me.

i know you have reasons but you let tears fall into my cheeks tonight. my heart is aching remembering seeing you smile last time. its just too hard. im overacting right? but those stories which made you feel scared, i feel so bad i wasnt even there to give you comfort.

oh, im crying tonight because i feel i lost a friend.