deal OR no deal

Ill be starting my 3rd week in OR/DR/NICU and i have learned enough to be able to survive my next one and a half month to go.

Some of the staff there says I'm good. That Dra. Wouldn't get me from ER if she didn't see the potential in me. One of the staff said, I'm good at scrubbing. But I am not really sure if she was saying that for real or she only want to make me feel better since I'm missing my team at ER. One of my co trainees said, why am I not afraid to go on scrubbing. Well, am I not afraid in the first place?! Of course I'm afraid. I've been even trembling on my first scrub but since I started to commit myself on the training, I said to myself that I'll accept any scolding and shouting that I'll receive. My senior at ER said, it's better to ask all the time than doing it yourself and fail. I mean, it's good if you figure things out yourself but in my case most of the times, I have to admit that i don't know the procedure and ask for help. Whenever I enter the OR, I always prepare myself to get a beating. I always say that it's okay to be shouted at, you will be Shouted at so you need to prepare yourself to accept it. The probability of being complemented is low. So, I go in there and try my best everytime. Maybe my face doesn't show how terribly scares am I, that's why they see me very comfortable going in an operation.

Oh well, my first love is OR, I love watching surgeries so maybe that's the reason why I am comfortable there.

I'm actually sad before because it felt like the staff there are so far, I can't even reach them but by time I got to get their approval. One staff even said I'll pass the v.luna exam proudly. I was so shocked, because as doesn't know me. I was so happy. The she calls out my name na rin. Dr. Ldls, asked for my name and everytime she blurts them out, my heart jumps in happiness. Dra. Mates, also approves my existence. I am loved by all right? And I thank Lord for being so great to me all the timeS yes, that's right! The reason why I am confident all the time because He is the captain of my life. He rules my life. I know that He will never let me suffer and if I suffer, it's for my own good. ;)

So whatever trouble it is to come. Whatever challenge it is, I'm up to face them. I am so ready to fight and win for the right! Aja! Fighting!! Deal!

Hold me like it's the end of our lives

Yay! The end of KING 2hearts is fast approaching and it means more tense, romantic scene are about to be shown!! Yay!! *super kilig! It's just that I won't be able to watch the stream because of my duty. Hay. Haha


This picture is one of my most awaited scene to be on live at the television! Crap! It's so romantic! Who wouldn't want one? It's their official engagement celebration. LSG, kissed HJW in front of so many people/fans who watched.T T I'm so jealous, not only to the people who was able to watch live but to Jiwon also who received the kiss form seungi. Gosh, isn't he great?! The way he turned his face to kiss her. His hands who caressed her. Ack! I want one too! Bahaha. It was so romantic. T T I hope they get extension but I guess it's to late to decide already.

Fighting, my emperor, my heodang! Saranghamnida!!!

TueDay

My mind is in chaos. My heart is in question. My body seems giving up and I know I'm busted once again.

I decided to go on training on a hospital that doesn't require payments. I turned down 3 hospitals and I stressed out my mind by convincing it not to try on big hospitals like PHC, NKTI, LCP and SLMC which also requires giving money. I have said this on myself before. What I did was right. I'm now learning and I'm enjoying it.

But now it seems like I'm on a dillema again. My friends got into bigger hospitals that where I am. Before I've been saying that it's just fine. We have different opinions in life and we deserve where are we. Another friend got a text message from SLMC and it caused my mask to break. I'm tired of consoling myself. I'm jealous. Yes, I am. Am I really qualified? Everything is pulling up. I'm new to OB, I'm having a hard time on it. I'm new so I'm a bit left out to the trainees in there. I'm afraid they see me as an eyesore. Argh. I'm so negative right? I've been trying my best to me calm. Im always saying that's everything is part of learning. I can be scolded, I can make lots of mistakes and cry, feel dumb and stupid but it's all part of the process. But it seems in too tired pleasing myself too. I wanna break out and cry for once.

Now, tomorrow I'll be having an examination. I am afraid. I am afraid to fail. Argh. I can't concentrate and whenever I concentrate, negative vibes come in. My heart, mind, body and souls seems to go their own ways and leaving me broken into pieces.

Please Lord help me. I now, everything that's happening in my life is your doing. I know you have plans for me and I should wait. But please keep me calm. Keep me grounded for I'm afraid I'm about to reach my limit. Please keep me strong and please always remind me that you love me. I have surrendered my life to you and you own my life now. Be the ruler of my life and keep me always in your hand.

I'll try my best to keep my mind working and please back me up. I am so desperate and in trouble today. Help me organize and pick up my self once. Again. Thank you!

Baby

Today, I worked at the OR. I have observed a caesarian section operation and since there is a second operation, I scrubbed in.

It was my first time to do scrubbing Abi really meant it because I did everything alone. I am just so lucky that the couple doctors helped me and even picked their own instruments if they see me slow. I am so thankful for my senior too for being so helpful and encouraging. Haha

I saw two baby boys today and I admit i really love babies because they ate so adorable and their skin is just so soft. Today, Dra. Delos Santos asked me if I want to train at OR/Dr because she said it seems like there is a potential in me. Aww. I am so happy hearing that one yet my heart and mind is set to ER already. I don't know what to do yet but as of know I'm staying at ER.

Later this evening, I was able to etch my currently favorite drama King 2 Hearts episode 10. There was a lot of tense scene and although the drama doesn't have eng subs I was able to grasp the storyline a bit. The last part had always kill my heart. Yesterday, the couple broke up and fought. Now, hang Ah even had a miscarriage. A death of an angel suddenly comes. My heart was shattered into pieces. I know it wasn't planned. It was actually wrong because they are not yet married but then the innocent baby died because of the problems she had encountered at a young age. I can't stop crying and now my tears are again growing up on my eyes. Hang Ah's reaction, Jae Ha's eyes during the news. Gosh, can you kill me now?! They are in pain bad shocked. Their love which is stained is now again in trouble. What will actually happen to them? Gosh, I love them both and it really kills me to see them in pain too.

The baby. I hope they get well soon together and eventually have a baby successfully in the future.

Fighting Jae ha and hang ah!

My Ideal Man

I don't have to enumerate characteristics and give hints but instead I'll say it straightforwardly.

My ideal man is no other than my heodang- Lee seung gi. It's him. It's just him. All about him. Everythings about him.

Waiting In Vein

Na-ah! You didn't had a mistake reading it nor I, myself. It is spelled perfectly, properly in a correct manner ;)

In three more days, I would be celebrating my one month training at North Caloocan Doctors Hospital and I'm really happy with them. Time surely flew fast and I'm counting in my last two months. Haha parang ang Haba pa eh noh?!

I've been very much happy with my family out there at the hospital. I have been given a chance to practice almost all kinds of skills that are usually and unusually done and I'm so hateful for my senior for being so kind and patiently teaching me how to do every actions needed.

I typed my title correctly, I say once again. I'm a nurse and I really deal with veins and so I'm writing my experience. I had my second direct IV Meds today and I nailed it! Haha. I didn't kill the patient by putting nails on his hands but my doing my job perfectly. I have not created a mistake today too. Yey!

I am just so happy for their pod guidance and training. I'm really looking forward unto what kind of nurse JO will I be after my three months duty.

Not anything you want can be given instantly. Sometimes you need tonwoar for the right timing to get well. And now it seems my waiting time is over. I'm growing, learning and becoming awesome each day. Now, I'm just left to Sonia to wait for patients vein again so I can show my skills!! Haha

This is such a good day! Except That my throat is killing me but it's improving too. So lets just take this day as a perfect day!

It Started with a Kiss

I have never tried it but I know somehow how does is feel because of the books that I had read before. I've been always curious and i remember I was in second high when I got so kilig with Cium for the first time when I saw a kissing scene from a Taiwanese drama that has the 'tomorrow club'. Now I got so kilig again. I am so curious! I want to try it , I want to kiss ;)


Eww!! Haha I am so pervert? No, Hindi naman. Kissing is so romantic for me and it's really a communication between lovers in my point of view. I see it so special and so one of a kind act. Tonight, i saw a kissing scene tags took my breathe away! It really took my breathe away, I was kicking my legs up high it's because it's my ideal guy who kissed a girl! It was lee seung gi! Ghaaad!! He is my ideal man! He is my no. One guy in the whole world, well except from God and dad of course.

The drama I watched didn't have subtitles in English but I somehow get the gist of the story and so I was really moved too. It was one of a kind kiss!! I described it like that because most of the times, whenever a couple kisses, both of the jut closes their eyes, their lips damps with each others lips, pause and just like that. But the kissing scene with seungi and ha Jiwon on the king 2 hearts ep6 was new! They were slowly getting closer, I think they have been confessing about their love for each other, they were looking eye to eye,gosh it was so romantic! The Last part was even hilarious! The king and ha jiwons dad caught them and they were so embarrassed! Awww.. It was so sweet!

Then I have read articles that said that the atmosphere during the scene was shot was really good. Everybody was also in kilig mode and both the actors were really smiling. I guess there where no awkward moments. Who would like a kiss from lee seung gi? Gosh I even really want one!! Yay!!!

With his good image, great background during schooling, as a son, actor, mc, singer... He is really the perfect guy to be drooled of!! He is really my number one and the kiss tonight just proved once again that my decisions are so good!! Waaah! I just can't move on!

Saranghamnida Lee Seung gi oppa!!!