Stars

Stars are defined as A fixed luminous point in the night sky that is a large, remote incandescent body like the sun. They can also be the artists we look up too. They can be seen as the light in the sky and they can also mean our dreams we want to reach.

There are so many attachments to stars but what I have learned today or probably relearned today is different. It said stars can live up to 2.5 millions and after dying they can live again the same star as they before, meeting the others stars he was with before. On the said drama, the girl said that the life of the star is same as the people. They live, die and after 2.5 million years, she will be born and live like before. He said after that thing will come true, she would still choose the life she has and live with the people she is with. She said, definitely even after being born again, she might still like the person she loves now.

Isn't it amazing? Love is the most powerful of all. Love can do and move all things. It is just so romantic.

In my case, I think I would also choose to live with my family. I still want to be born as an Alconis and be with sisters and friends I have. My life might have been a struggle but I have come used with it. Life doesn't only offer happiness ad I know I will battle more problems in the future but thinking I won't win won't give any help. I guess hesitating and becoming always afraid should end up here. I think I should end thinking, what if I won't do good? What if I fail? And start with trying my best to prove I am worthy with that position. I know I'm not perfect but I can learn how to be in my own little way :)

No matter what happens I will still choose to be with my family.i will still choose to be a nurse. I would still choose to perform and be the happiness for my parents ;)

What I am just thinking now is in 2.5 million years will I fight the love u had before? Will I hold on and keep you?

You're Beatiful to me :)

I'm never sure about my feelings from the start. It might be just another puppy love but what im sure is I smile differently everytime I think about him.:)

I don't know why but as I saw the MTV of beautiful to me by Christian Bautista, I remember him. And now he consistently visits my mind :)

My mind becomes active most of the time and there are wild ideas I create. I daydream that we are a couple and I imagine him playing with me. I mean cuddling, literally playing, running around.Haha he is quite older than I am but we have this same side that can actually make us work out just right. I wish I can make this dream a reality but I know I'll be just a little girl in his eyes.:( but whatever it is I'm happy even with just a thought of it. Maybe, I'm not yet ready to enter a serious relationship and I don't want to be hasty and fail again just like before. Been hurt thrice and i don't want to add some more, I guess. Hay, but im willing to be hurt basta siya! Haha

Ooh my wild imagination.;) kahit sang Angulo kasi, he is the best man. Well not for the whole world but for the guys I know. Mas maganda nga siya kesa sakin! My heart hasn't soften yet so this crush things just works for me. You're beautiful to me kuya!!!

I need HELP

Last January 25, I went to a free seminar of PNA. It was about physical assessment for hospitalized patient. The moment I saw it being advertised on the internet, I didn't think twice to enroll in the said seminar. I wasn't wrong, because I found the seminar very helpful. What was done was like a lecture in a classroom. Although most of the topics were already taught at school, it was nice to hear them once again. After taking the board exam, I never opened my notebooks/books anymore. I went on a vacation and so with my brain. I still remember some but it didn't give me full reassurance. That's why the seminar was very helpful because now I'm sure about the things I know plus new knowledge was added at the same time.

But what was actually more heart pinching experience was when we had the focus group discussion. At first nurses were asking for clarification then suddenly everyone was asking advice and sharing their own opinions on our status nowadays. I never felt sleeply on the seminar but I was teary eyed sometimes. They were sharing experiences that are not legal but still they were able to succeed. I heard one said that she had 67 patients then most shocking was the guy who had 80 during typhoons. I just realized that becoming a nurse needs really to be a bearer of good heart. I mean institutions give so much work and in return payments are really low, some doesnt even get a single peso. Hard right? But we chose this kind of caring work and enable to stand a long time, you must have great love for nursing to survive. I was really swayed by the way they talk. I realized, there are still nurses who really cares and are willing to sacrifice for the patients good. That's why they are asking for help. Help to increase wages. Help to increase numbers of nurses working and help to understand them. I was really moved in the seminar. As a newbie, I need to learn a lot and at the same time strengthen the beliefs I have so it can guide me for a long time.

Still I'm not yet working so the help I'm asking is quite different to theirs. They may be asking for delegation of work but I'm asking for work. But whatever help we are asking, I know we have the same goals and aspirations in life and it is to improve, save, lengthen peoples lives.

We are not just around to do procedures but we are actually here to let them feel secured. We are here to help them lose those frights. We are here as an extended family.

Love not allowed

Have you ever fell for the wrong guy? Have you ever shed useless tears? Have you ever been so stupid for someone who can't even see you existing? If no the your lucky because for the last 8 years ( well not exactly 8 years) I've been tortured.

The first time I fell in love so deeply, I made a huge mistake. The second one, I've been so stupid. The third one was forbidden and now I'm in the midst of questioning myself if I should be continuing.

I always fall for the same characteristics of a guy. I want a good face, a reasonable one, smart, kind, romantic, respects his parents, makes me laugh, weird and makes me think of him all the time. I saw all those characteristics but I have always fail the search. I don't know what's wrong but it actually made me desperate and Hopeless.

Now, the person I love is just like me. We enjoy music together, he plays and I sing. We dance though he looks awkward haha. He is very intelligent and is very mature. We have different words but we enjoy them. We love to rub our palms blow air if we are cold. We love writing those important memories we have each day. We love learning. We learned Hungarian when we were highschool. He loves his parents and he respects them so much. He is a good son. A good friend whom I can really count on. He loves to laugh just as I am. I think we are even a good pair. I can continue with things i love to do when we are together and vice versa. I can have all my rituals because he understands them. I can really be happy and proud with him. But, there's always a but in my world. But he is not for me and it breaks my heart.

Well it is not yet decided and we make things work out but I'm tired of doing the work. I guess it's time to stop and give up. I guess it's time to wait for the right time to come. I remember I asked if he can be with me and asked for a sign. I unexpectedly received the sign but I took it for grabted and lose.Maybe I'm too late again and I'll just be the person who is not allowed to love.

Sunday Reflection

As promised, I always try to change my bad attitudes and try my best to follow my schedule.

Woke up 30 minutes late but that was good already because the past days, I was really hesitant to wake up. I actually care more to the people around me that's why I de decided to download videos for Angela. Unfortunately, mom's memory card seems not working so the files downloaded just stayed on pc. I manage to be patient and downloaded Heartstrings ost. Tried to fix moms Facebook mobile but I failed. Then at 6am I went to take a shower then I went to listen the mass .

And my realization began.

I had read a review about the book Secret and I the teachings I read there were really dug up to my heart that I have been using as my guide. It's says that when you want something, the universe will conspire. But it also said that if you don't push yourself aiming for the one you want, how will you get it? What if the other party is also thinking the way you do? How will the improvement go on? Those have been a burden to my heart. I mean, I haven't he's pushing myself to someone as I know I might get rejected and might kill myself with pain. In short I have actually forgotten that God is the ultimate decision maker that if I lose hope, He will make a way to gain up once again.

Today God let me remember that nothing is impossible in his hands. That whatever He wills, will be done no matter what. I might lose the confidence and give up. But God will never leave me.

Now I believe that God's gift for me will come in time and will enter in the proper time. Now I believe that if it's meant to be then it will come to me. Now, again, I believe that fairytales come true and it's time for me to write my own. Fighting!!!

Man of Honor

I want to forgive you.

There are words that are pleasant to ears but are hard to mumble. But I realize who am I to actually take a grudge and be selfish? I want to write this one so in the future when. I get mad this would calm me down. I promise my self not to hold grudges and will always forgive the people who hurt me unintentionally or with will. I want to forgive everyone and give them a chance to renew themselves. I don't care how much pain will it take but I know I don't have the right to make other peoples life miserable. Yes, it's hard to forgive but even God did it for our sake. I'm just so blessed to living and be actually having allthethings I have now. I want to live as purely as I could. I want to live with no other thing in mindbuthappines and great stories that I could cherish. I'll be trying my best to fill myself with nothing but positive thoughts and God. Someday I know this would turn to something I'll be proud of. I have changed from miserable kid to a better person because I was forgiven. In every sacrifice a new life will start thats why I too, will not hesitate to forgive.

I'll be the most forgiving person I could ever be. But I know I'm not perfect and I might go against what I have said but I know I'll come to my senses and remember this. I know God will guide me to the better light of my life. I know He will ever let me down.

Forgive and your heart will be contented and happy. This is the best feeling In the world. Live with truth, happiness and love. Live with the Lord, our God. Live with his goodness. ;)

Help me always GOd so I can always come back to you. Teach me to be you.

Random thoughts.

Awwww!!! Heartstrings!!! I also want to experience holding hands in front of so many people! To give them a shock a little that I'm dating te man of my dreams. Nan ottoke? I'm not studying anymore!! Hmp! I regret I didn't flirt while I was in college!! Hohoho! I want to be with someone who can play music for me. We listen to music with earphone on each one of our ears. U want to eat ice cream with him and ride on his bike. :))) Heartstrings is just so romantic! I'm dying from kakiligan!

Random thoughts...

Awww. Ojakyo family kills its all! Aww what a sweet date! I also want to go camping with the person I love. It may not be obvious that in sporty but I am!i want to cook noodles with him then we eat it with eggs. I want to play on the seashore, dance in the seashore and watch sunset together! I want to see the sun rise too so it's better If we camp in the beach :)

Saturday freedom

It's Saturday freedom on kbs world but on my part I'm not free at all' I'm for sale kaya! Haha joke. I'm broke that's why I'm not free to do things I want. I'm even not sure if I can make it to pgh on Monday. I wanted to ask money but then they texted me first saying I text my sister because their out of cash. So how am I supposed to make their situation worst? Argh, wonderful world is seen depending on each persons point of view. Kapow!! My world is still wonderful naman kahit I'm broke it's just that I'm quite Disabled. ;) there are still hours to finish my day so Atleast I can make it a happy day! Pasha! Fighting!!! Aja!

My Heart Bares it all

I can't remember any happy moments in my life alone when I was a toddler. As in I can't remember my playtime with my sisters even with my parents. What I can only remember is playing with my childhood bestfriend Mark. It's as if I was born into this world and we are already playmates. Stories before our playtime together is a blurr.

I had my still in the record long time crush for 6 years! Can you imagine that?! Of well that's true. He taught me how to love and breaks my heart in a healthy way naman. He is also a Mark but not my childhood bestfriend. He was my first kiss! Dang it, but he stole it! I never gave a permission! We were the talk of our school back then. I was walking with my bestfriend Alyssa, we're hand in hand then suddenly people eye me. On my mind I was like ' what the? What's your problem?' and the moment I turn my head to look for Alyssa, his lips dampened into my cheeck. It was a crazy experience because everyone in the quadrangle cheered. It came to the point where his brother came to talk to me. My teachers are pairing us up and all. I admit I don't like him before because I was so young and I never had that in mind. Then came 2nd grade, I'm the muse and I need a partner to escort me. I was given a chance to choose from my crush and the best looking man on my class. Afraid that my secret will be out, i chose Kevin from Mark. I guess that's the worst decision I made!! Down to 3rd grade, he always fights for me. When I got into an accident and nobody wants to help me, he did. I guess I was too harsh on him he decided to left me when we were in 5th grade. He had crushes on my girlfriends. From jinky to Nicole to Alyssa and Francess. Well I can't blame him because my group back then ruled our school. Nobody wants to mess up with us! But still he was still there taking a peek on my doings. I remember I sang on a program in school and all the time my eyes are on him. I think it was 'pangako' by regime Velasquez. Siguro if I said yes to him before, he would have been my first boyfriend and I ll make it to the point that wears still together until now. Mark is a very crazy boy but he is hardworking. He is sweet and I know he know how to take good care of me. Now, I think he is married .. Haha

Then I was torn between two lovers, kent and Carlo. I never expected to fall for Carlo and I strongly. Annoy believe he was my first boyfriend. We were seatmates and he loved my friend jinky. I guess I was so tomboy before I really play with boys! I mean I can really do the boy play literarily. I guess it's because we almost had a kiss for nth times in the lips because we always bump into each other that our feelings started to grow. He said he loved me bee cause of my singing but I don't know. Then came a higher batch suitor. He patiently waited for me years but I cut all ties with him when I was in 2nd year highschool. Carlo went to America leaving me crying, broken into pieces. Well, I can't remember that but my cousin tells me I was like that. I never thought of Carlo as my guy because I never wanted a younger guy but I had him. My sisters love kent by my friends wanted Carlo. I was in a big dilemma questioning who my heart tells me to love. Then out of the blue when a had a phone call from Carlo, I asked him to break up with me. That was the biggest stupid decision I did in my whole life! I guess I was stupidly in love with kent. But I regret it! But I had no choice because dad destroyed the sim her mother's know. So we never had a communication. Then my sistes said he called to them asking if I can open my sim so we can talk but I never did it ata. Maybe that's why he gave up on me and he started to look for another girls. I felt bad that time too that's why I broke Kent's heart too and I never had a relationship since then. My heart feels sorry for every mess I did. Then at 4th year Carlo left a message on friendster and I found out that he had different girlfriends already. That was painful. I cried. I resented my self for being so stupid. I have been celebrating our monthsary everytime.

Then I had a crush on Barry and that helped me to move on and think on different people. But I think I only liked him so I can actually forget my heartache. The usual bitch act, I text him, I say to the world I like him.

Then on 4th year I fell for another guy. He is Rey-an. I never knew if it was real but he courted me in text way. He was the clown of our batch and I actually never realized he'd like me? Oh well, I'm not even actually sure if I got the situation right. It started on 3rd year. I said no so he moved on but neither did I know Ill fall! Haha I was so stupid again I can laugh at everything I did. The ending was he courted other girls and I was left behind keeping all my feelings behind.

I'm now college! I remember I had a crush on my dance troupe mate Mack, my neighbor Patrick, sir gelo, sir Gonzales and sir simo. But it was so fast in a blink of an eye it was gone. Except for sir gelo and sir simo. Haha sir gelo was my 3rd year crush! He interviewed me when I was about to be a junior. He was so kind and smart! Then sir simo, my perfect duet! I loved him cause he is so funny and a real good singer :) who wouldn't fall everyone he sings?! Aww, I forgot I had a crush on a Amaranth! He is Vinson! Dang, I stalked him at multiply! He is a swimmer and his body is so yummy!! Ooh, I had a crush on Simon too. That was when I was a freshman going to sophomore. He plays the guitar so well and he is a total geek. That's all.

Then I had a crush on Luther!!! He is so gwapo I never knew he is a batch mate until I saw him on oour INREP!

Now my heart bared it all. Those were the guys who manages to steal my heart from me. Haha now I'm left to my Korean boys again.

I guessing started falling into pieces when I broke my heart withCarlo. And lately I was regretting I let him go. But life has so much to offer I better pick up myself and create the new me. Move on and lock heart.

Weekend getaway of my heart

It's weekend and I'm staying home. Tired from my 3 day on the run mode since Wednesday. but I believe all those experience will help me grow. Now I'm more positive myself in everything I do. What if I'm not prepared? What if I mess up?! Not anymore!! No what if's just go with the flow. The best armor to all is always wearing your good heart with God's guidance. Let go of all the doubt and fear and trust Him. Good morning wonderful world! It's a good day! And it's my SUPER day!!!