Love not allowed

Have you ever fell for the wrong guy? Have you ever shed useless tears? Have you ever been so stupid for someone who can't even see you existing? If no the your lucky because for the last 8 years ( well not exactly 8 years) I've been tortured.

The first time I fell in love so deeply, I made a huge mistake. The second one, I've been so stupid. The third one was forbidden and now I'm in the midst of questioning myself if I should be continuing.

I always fall for the same characteristics of a guy. I want a good face, a reasonable one, smart, kind, romantic, respects his parents, makes me laugh, weird and makes me think of him all the time. I saw all those characteristics but I have always fail the search. I don't know what's wrong but it actually made me desperate and Hopeless.

Now, the person I love is just like me. We enjoy music together, he plays and I sing. We dance though he looks awkward haha. He is very intelligent and is very mature. We have different words but we enjoy them. We love to rub our palms blow air if we are cold. We love writing those important memories we have each day. We love learning. We learned Hungarian when we were highschool. He loves his parents and he respects them so much. He is a good son. A good friend whom I can really count on. He loves to laugh just as I am. I think we are even a good pair. I can continue with things i love to do when we are together and vice versa. I can have all my rituals because he understands them. I can really be happy and proud with him. But, there's always a but in my world. But he is not for me and it breaks my heart.

Well it is not yet decided and we make things work out but I'm tired of doing the work. I guess it's time to stop and give up. I guess it's time to wait for the right time to come. I remember I asked if he can be with me and asked for a sign. I unexpectedly received the sign but I took it for grabted and lose.Maybe I'm too late again and I'll just be the person who is not allowed to love.