deal OR no deal

Ill be starting my 3rd week in OR/DR/NICU and i have learned enough to be able to survive my next one and a half month to go.

Some of the staff there says I'm good. That Dra. Wouldn't get me from ER if she didn't see the potential in me. One of the staff said, I'm good at scrubbing. But I am not really sure if she was saying that for real or she only want to make me feel better since I'm missing my team at ER. One of my co trainees said, why am I not afraid to go on scrubbing. Well, am I not afraid in the first place?! Of course I'm afraid. I've been even trembling on my first scrub but since I started to commit myself on the training, I said to myself that I'll accept any scolding and shouting that I'll receive. My senior at ER said, it's better to ask all the time than doing it yourself and fail. I mean, it's good if you figure things out yourself but in my case most of the times, I have to admit that i don't know the procedure and ask for help. Whenever I enter the OR, I always prepare myself to get a beating. I always say that it's okay to be shouted at, you will be Shouted at so you need to prepare yourself to accept it. The probability of being complemented is low. So, I go in there and try my best everytime. Maybe my face doesn't show how terribly scares am I, that's why they see me very comfortable going in an operation.

Oh well, my first love is OR, I love watching surgeries so maybe that's the reason why I am comfortable there.

I'm actually sad before because it felt like the staff there are so far, I can't even reach them but by time I got to get their approval. One staff even said I'll pass the v.luna exam proudly. I was so shocked, because as doesn't know me. I was so happy. The she calls out my name na rin. Dr. Ldls, asked for my name and everytime she blurts them out, my heart jumps in happiness. Dra. Mates, also approves my existence. I am loved by all right? And I thank Lord for being so great to me all the timeS yes, that's right! The reason why I am confident all the time because He is the captain of my life. He rules my life. I know that He will never let me suffer and if I suffer, it's for my own good. ;)

So whatever trouble it is to come. Whatever challenge it is, I'm up to face them. I am so ready to fight and win for the right! Aja! Fighting!! Deal!

Hold me like it's the end of our lives

Yay! The end of KING 2hearts is fast approaching and it means more tense, romantic scene are about to be shown!! Yay!! *super kilig! It's just that I won't be able to watch the stream because of my duty. Hay. Haha


This picture is one of my most awaited scene to be on live at the television! Crap! It's so romantic! Who wouldn't want one? It's their official engagement celebration. LSG, kissed HJW in front of so many people/fans who watched.T T I'm so jealous, not only to the people who was able to watch live but to Jiwon also who received the kiss form seungi. Gosh, isn't he great?! The way he turned his face to kiss her. His hands who caressed her. Ack! I want one too! Bahaha. It was so romantic. T T I hope they get extension but I guess it's to late to decide already.

Fighting, my emperor, my heodang! Saranghamnida!!!

TueDay

My mind is in chaos. My heart is in question. My body seems giving up and I know I'm busted once again.

I decided to go on training on a hospital that doesn't require payments. I turned down 3 hospitals and I stressed out my mind by convincing it not to try on big hospitals like PHC, NKTI, LCP and SLMC which also requires giving money. I have said this on myself before. What I did was right. I'm now learning and I'm enjoying it.

But now it seems like I'm on a dillema again. My friends got into bigger hospitals that where I am. Before I've been saying that it's just fine. We have different opinions in life and we deserve where are we. Another friend got a text message from SLMC and it caused my mask to break. I'm tired of consoling myself. I'm jealous. Yes, I am. Am I really qualified? Everything is pulling up. I'm new to OB, I'm having a hard time on it. I'm new so I'm a bit left out to the trainees in there. I'm afraid they see me as an eyesore. Argh. I'm so negative right? I've been trying my best to me calm. Im always saying that's everything is part of learning. I can be scolded, I can make lots of mistakes and cry, feel dumb and stupid but it's all part of the process. But it seems in too tired pleasing myself too. I wanna break out and cry for once.

Now, tomorrow I'll be having an examination. I am afraid. I am afraid to fail. Argh. I can't concentrate and whenever I concentrate, negative vibes come in. My heart, mind, body and souls seems to go their own ways and leaving me broken into pieces.

Please Lord help me. I now, everything that's happening in my life is your doing. I know you have plans for me and I should wait. But please keep me calm. Keep me grounded for I'm afraid I'm about to reach my limit. Please keep me strong and please always remind me that you love me. I have surrendered my life to you and you own my life now. Be the ruler of my life and keep me always in your hand.

I'll try my best to keep my mind working and please back me up. I am so desperate and in trouble today. Help me organize and pick up my self once. Again. Thank you!

Baby

Today, I worked at the OR. I have observed a caesarian section operation and since there is a second operation, I scrubbed in.

It was my first time to do scrubbing Abi really meant it because I did everything alone. I am just so lucky that the couple doctors helped me and even picked their own instruments if they see me slow. I am so thankful for my senior too for being so helpful and encouraging. Haha

I saw two baby boys today and I admit i really love babies because they ate so adorable and their skin is just so soft. Today, Dra. Delos Santos asked me if I want to train at OR/Dr because she said it seems like there is a potential in me. Aww. I am so happy hearing that one yet my heart and mind is set to ER already. I don't know what to do yet but as of know I'm staying at ER.

Later this evening, I was able to etch my currently favorite drama King 2 Hearts episode 10. There was a lot of tense scene and although the drama doesn't have eng subs I was able to grasp the storyline a bit. The last part had always kill my heart. Yesterday, the couple broke up and fought. Now, hang Ah even had a miscarriage. A death of an angel suddenly comes. My heart was shattered into pieces. I know it wasn't planned. It was actually wrong because they are not yet married but then the innocent baby died because of the problems she had encountered at a young age. I can't stop crying and now my tears are again growing up on my eyes. Hang Ah's reaction, Jae Ha's eyes during the news. Gosh, can you kill me now?! They are in pain bad shocked. Their love which is stained is now again in trouble. What will actually happen to them? Gosh, I love them both and it really kills me to see them in pain too.

The baby. I hope they get well soon together and eventually have a baby successfully in the future.

Fighting Jae ha and hang ah!

My Ideal Man

I don't have to enumerate characteristics and give hints but instead I'll say it straightforwardly.

My ideal man is no other than my heodang- Lee seung gi. It's him. It's just him. All about him. Everythings about him.

Waiting In Vein

Na-ah! You didn't had a mistake reading it nor I, myself. It is spelled perfectly, properly in a correct manner ;)

In three more days, I would be celebrating my one month training at North Caloocan Doctors Hospital and I'm really happy with them. Time surely flew fast and I'm counting in my last two months. Haha parang ang Haba pa eh noh?!

I've been very much happy with my family out there at the hospital. I have been given a chance to practice almost all kinds of skills that are usually and unusually done and I'm so hateful for my senior for being so kind and patiently teaching me how to do every actions needed.

I typed my title correctly, I say once again. I'm a nurse and I really deal with veins and so I'm writing my experience. I had my second direct IV Meds today and I nailed it! Haha. I didn't kill the patient by putting nails on his hands but my doing my job perfectly. I have not created a mistake today too. Yey!

I am just so happy for their pod guidance and training. I'm really looking forward unto what kind of nurse JO will I be after my three months duty.

Not anything you want can be given instantly. Sometimes you need tonwoar for the right timing to get well. And now it seems my waiting time is over. I'm growing, learning and becoming awesome each day. Now, I'm just left to Sonia to wait for patients vein again so I can show my skills!! Haha

This is such a good day! Except That my throat is killing me but it's improving too. So lets just take this day as a perfect day!

It Started with a Kiss

I have never tried it but I know somehow how does is feel because of the books that I had read before. I've been always curious and i remember I was in second high when I got so kilig with Cium for the first time when I saw a kissing scene from a Taiwanese drama that has the 'tomorrow club'. Now I got so kilig again. I am so curious! I want to try it , I want to kiss ;)


Eww!! Haha I am so pervert? No, Hindi naman. Kissing is so romantic for me and it's really a communication between lovers in my point of view. I see it so special and so one of a kind act. Tonight, i saw a kissing scene tags took my breathe away! It really took my breathe away, I was kicking my legs up high it's because it's my ideal guy who kissed a girl! It was lee seung gi! Ghaaad!! He is my ideal man! He is my no. One guy in the whole world, well except from God and dad of course.

The drama I watched didn't have subtitles in English but I somehow get the gist of the story and so I was really moved too. It was one of a kind kiss!! I described it like that because most of the times, whenever a couple kisses, both of the jut closes their eyes, their lips damps with each others lips, pause and just like that. But the kissing scene with seungi and ha Jiwon on the king 2 hearts ep6 was new! They were slowly getting closer, I think they have been confessing about their love for each other, they were looking eye to eye,gosh it was so romantic! The Last part was even hilarious! The king and ha jiwons dad caught them and they were so embarrassed! Awww.. It was so sweet!

Then I have read articles that said that the atmosphere during the scene was shot was really good. Everybody was also in kilig mode and both the actors were really smiling. I guess there where no awkward moments. Who would like a kiss from lee seung gi? Gosh I even really want one!! Yay!!!

With his good image, great background during schooling, as a son, actor, mc, singer... He is really the perfect guy to be drooled of!! He is really my number one and the kiss tonight just proved once again that my decisions are so good!! Waaah! I just can't move on!

Saranghamnida Lee Seung gi oppa!!!

To Wed or not to Wed

I've been unconsciously thinking about marriage for almost 7 months. Now I'm conscious. I mean since last year at my birth month, I remember I was thinking about getting married and once in a while I get it again. I don't see it as a serious thing but now I'm thinking why does it always come on my mind. Why does marriage frequently visits my mind? Am I really thinking of getting married now? Why does my subconscious filled with marriage?!

I have just watched the movie The Vow that's why I'm bringing it up again. I'm not only acknowledging it I'm even writing a note about it so whatever happens in the next days, I have written everything thats on my mind.

"I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home."

"I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love.I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other."

Honestly, I have planned about my wedding day. Not the exact design of the wedding, but I have planned on what music to play. I have planned or I have a picture in mind unto how will my wedding look like. I love lights and that's why I wanted to put up so many lights that it would look like stars. And my music when the time comes that I have to walk on the aisle, it's been decided. It's kohtipi naerinda at Princess Hours OST. I'm ready to be wed off right? But the problem is my groom. I haven't been in love for almost 8 years.

I'm thinking.. Is it the reason why I have always been thinking about marriage? Is it because I want a man? But how come I'm thinking about marriage already of I'm not even meeting someone? It's strange. I'm really clueless unto why I'm always thinking and why do I actually want to get married as early as this.

I know marriage is not a simple thing. When you get married, it's not already only about you, it becomes the life of both of you united. Plus you might have kids and so you have to think more about them and not just yourself. And one more thing.. You get to live your whole life thinking if your marriage will last forever. How will I get my husband to love me forever? How will I let him stay on my side until the day we die?

The Vow has taught me so much tonight. When you love someone, even if it hurst you, you'll do anything for him. No matter how big the sacrifice is, you'll do it because that's the power of love. You give everything without any reassurance you'll get something in return. And that's what Leo did for Page. Is there still a guy that's exactly like him? I mean not literally physically look the way he is but the way he thinks, the way he loves.

It's heartbreaking, the moment he gave up. After all the pain and sacrifice, at the end he found his limit. And it's true, everybody has its limit. There's always a time when you think you can't bear a thing anymore and that If you continue you'll burst into pain. But fortunately, even a sleeping heart knows who is her partner. No matter what happens, the heart will always recognize who is her owner even if it takes a long time. The movie didn't end happily ever after just like others. It has a hanging ending and the viewers will decide.

I just hope to meet the owner of my heart and when that time comes, I want to do an imprint so whatever happens my heart will remember him and so he won't suffer like Leo. Whatever happens I'll try to let him be recognizable.

So what am I still doing? I need to find him now so I can wed myself off!!! Haha just kidding. I know the perfect time will come and still i want to enjoy couple years first before going steady.
Page fell for two weeks to Leo and Ieta see how long will I fall for my own Leo in the future ;)

Tonight his alive. Tonight my hearts belongs to you :))))

Separate ways..

They say no man is an island yet you need to stand up alone enable to be better. Ironic but its true.

We say our friendship will last forever. Walang iwanan. Sama sama kahit saan pa mapunta. But there will always come time where we need to enter a new way that is different from others. There will always come a time where we need to say goodbye and grow up.

We started at around 25 people? But we end up 16 by the end of SY 2011 at TUA. By then on, we have struggled so much and have gaps with each other yet we've been trying to still keep the pieces close to each other. We got to the point of being shy meeting each other, dividing the group but we have always end up being one.

New chapter came across and we took the PNLE. Not all of us was given the chance to pursue our dreams and some even took another turn to pursue another dream. But whatever the future takes us, whatever turns we have to face, we might go to different ways again, but we all know that we have a common point and we'll meet again. That's our friendship. That's how we love our lives. We don't only live for our own dreams but we live for each others dreams. We help each other and we pull each other on top so we can stay together. It's so funny how we sometimes get jealous and get mad with each other but nonetheless we are solid.

Ericka and Anna on medicine. Zandra went abroad. Yousef, Nat and Franz back on school again. Charlane and Jean earning money. Rina, Lara, Japs, Estée, Mac, Jenny, rhea and i conquering each corner of our hospitals. Aj, battling on his dreams. Rona, heroine of her own life. Demi, nicola? I miss them, yet I've not been on communication with them lately.

You see, all of us have their own story now. I can't even enumerate all of our doings. What about gela, iris, car, roselle, bookworm cat, yshie? Now I'm not even sure if I have typed everybody's name already and im sorry of I left your name out.

We are all grown ups now. Even our group have grew up on numbers too. Dino, Monica, kat, chie have been continuously adding up spice in our lives. Did I miss someone again? Mianhe! Haha

But what's important is deep in our hearts we know we are connecting. Deep in our hearts we know that we have each others back. Deep in our back... Haha joke. Deep in our hearts we know we care and love each other. Distance might be a great barrier for everyday communication but we have one heart and that's the best communication we could ever have.

More people in the group going on separate ways? Go on.. Live your live the way you want because in every place you go, you'll be carrying us also. Maybe not physically but in terms of our heart connection, we are there. Sabi nga ni Lara, NASA Puso natin siya. And that's it.. Lahat tayo NASA Puso ng isa't isa so we don't have to worry how long we won't see each other, how far will it take us because anytime, anywhere, everywhere, we are one. ;)

So let's have a promise.... Let's take our time.. Let's go on our own separate ways and.... Let's meet one more time again:)) let's all soar high and be successful.

I miss you beshes!!! Till next gathering!!!

Deleting heart files

I therefore conclude That we can't be together and that I want to close what i feel and delete everything that I said before. Period.

Ayaaw ko na seeerrrr.

Second night

I was all excited for spending the first night with you. I was so kilig that we might have a chemistry or something but we didn't. It's not that we are not compatible but I think I'm still far from where you are. Hindi na kita mahabol.


Now the second night.

Wala pang 12mn anlayo mo na!!! Anubey! Natulog aagad!!!! Past 1am na ata kyung nakita kita. Sleeping Beauty on two sofas!!!! Rar. You are cute. Your are so adorable in your sleeping position. Again, can I sleep beside you?! Hahaha rar!

Hay. What a second day. Everybody is sound asleep but I can't sleep! Hindu ako maantok Antok!!!

I'm so alone!! Haha whathe! HMp!!!

Drops of blood

I did cut myself. Yes, I cut across my index finger right on the it's fold! And what had cut it? An ampule.

I have been good opening ampules at our Rle days when I was in college. I have a strong hand and I cut then
Easily. Before I use my own hands with the help of my white uniform specially if we don't have the cutter in the ward. But my history of good openings got caught up last night.

We had a patient with acute gastritis and we were about to admit her when
She backed out and preferred to
Go home instead. We prepared the papers fast but we ended up cutting them to serve as scratch paper!!

The doctor ordered medicines to be given TIV. Went to help my senior. She can't open the other one so I offered my help. I was confident I can open it what I'm scared of is I might crush the whole ampule so I asked how much does it cost. Then I used the cover of a syringe. Ready, set, go!! Tada~ it's open but when I'm about to hand the medicine, I saw drops of blood on the table! Oh no!! Oh yes!!! I cut my finger!!! I immediately went to the wash area to wash my finger. I thought it was just an abrasion and then I started to feel the sting! It was so painful and shockingly bleeds fast! The bleeding doesn't stop and I was able to use 4 cotton balls and 3 2x2 gauze to stop the bleeding!

Yes, I was so stupid! I created another mistake and it's my second day of duty!! Oh crap!!! I'm do embarrassed to what had happened and to what have I done. Babo!!!!

I'm thankful for the staff for being so caring to me. Of course I know they're mad but I'm grateful for what they did to me.

I'm sorry for being such a mess!!! I'll try my best to work hard and grow up!!
Please be careful in opening Meds in ampules. The medicines might be needed stat but still you need to protect yourself first.

Now, I'm suffering because I get a hard time using my right hand. It's so painful kahit konting sagi Lang! Rar!!!


Please be careful next time, Jo!!!! Fighting!!!

The Moon Embracing the Sun

I was actually hooked to Wild Romance first because of lee dong wook then my cousin downloaded TMETS and the rest was history.i didn't finish WR completely. I have the whole 16 episodes but I skipped some scenes and fast forwarded some episodes too.
But thankfully, my decision of prioritizing TMETS was a good idea. I got to love the drama so much I have watched the earlier episodes nonstop.

FYI: I don't like repeating drama Except for those that really touch me like nodame and heavenly forest, princess l hours and Scent of a woman.


Earlier episodes got me stuck up thinking why they had that drama title. I was so impatient unto what does it concern with the moon and sun. Then when I finally understood the meaning behind it, I have found it very romantic! I have appreciated before Heartstrings because the title was really perfect For the drama. Two people playing string instruments fell in love. Then came the Sun which means the King and The moon that is the Kings wife. Up in the sky the sun and moon have always been together. No matter how far they where they still have stayed on the same sky. No matter what happens the loyalty of the Sun was with the Moon. Helping her had light so they could stop darkness in our world.

On TMETS both the sun and moon loves each other. Their loyalty with each other was so strong than even death can't break it. In here the Sun wasn't the only one supporting. As the title says, the moon was the one embracing. It means that the Moon have always offer herself to protect te Sun. She has suffered so much, have lost a big part of her but still his love for the moon was unending. the moon knows that her life may endanger if she continues to love the Sun but still because they know they love each other, they have been bravely fighting for their love. From then on, I have appreciated the moon in the sky. I mean I have love watching the sky but my eyes sees only the stars and I have forgotten that a moon is also present.
And so every night I'll always look up at my window and searching If I can have a glance with the moon. I have not realize this before but actually looking into the moon is really romantic for me.

Because I was addicted to TMETS, I have bought a necklace with a moon with it. For me it's the moon, sun and the star. I have loved it the moment I laid my eyes on them and so I have treasured the necklace so much. Everytime I use it, I feel like im so lucky because I know every girl wants to meet his Sun but with it it feels like my Sun is with me always.

Im really moved at Hwon and Yeon woo's lovestory. It's proof that when love strikes on two people, if they destined for each other whatever happens, they will meet again and fall in love.

----- for continuation.----- im so sleepy! I don't know if what I'm writing is

The Sun has only one partner and it's the moon and they are inseparable.

SMILE ;)

Smile is a big thing. It defines you. It describes you as good person and it helps you to keep going even if you're suffering. Today, I kept on smiling. I smile even though I'm confused. I keep on smiling even if at the back of my Mind, my thoughts are clashing. I can't help but smile because you are there. Darn it! I kept on smiling and i'm still smiling until now whenever I remember you. :)

Today, I started to attend North Caloocan Doctors Hospital. I don't know why but I had only almost 4 hours of sleep but the moment I woke up my body was so "gaan". Usually when I wake up so early my body heat too heavy that I have to drag myself out of bed or snooze again so I can go back to sleep. But this morning, my kind wanted me to get up and I was like forcing myself I go back to sleep. It's so funny.

I took a hot shower. I didn't even force myself to move fast. I took my time. And I had my morning clean smooth.

Jeepneys are on strike and commonwealth was like a ghost town.i went out 5am and the highways are almost empty! Luckily, u spotted my jeep and went to the hospital.

My watch is 10-15 minutes advance but I always forget about it. It was exactly 6am when I stepped out of the jeep. I ran fast to the hospital. I looked for air Lawrence and logged at the 3rd floor.

Went down to ER. Yes, I was assigned to ER again. And worst scenario came and I found out that I may not rotate on other areas!!! Say what?! Oh yes, ill be mastering emergency nursing! T T it's not that I hate it. But I'm still poor on my pharma skills, I get shock attacks most of the times and I'm slow. That's it. I'm not afraid of blood nor resuscitation because I want them but it's just that I'm not yet prepared! Oh well, I guess I'll be trained as an ER nurse. I'll try my best to grow an learn more things so that I'll be more capable and skilled the next time around. Ha! Wait for my transformation! T T

Oh well, I'm not that shocked when I found out that I may not rotate its because I had a hint that I may be assigned there.

Then, I don't know why but I kept in smiling afterwards. I get so kilig and I'm still kinikilig until now. Again, if you are the law that said ill stay on ER for three months then I'll stay. I'll stay whatever circumstances that may come. I can get shouted and all but I'll try my best to never give up and stay with you 6x a week ;)

Yay!

I am so kinikilig! Your not flawless like my others but you sure passed every characteristics left. There mere fact that im close to you everyday makes me contented and happy about my decision. It's not only you but the 50% reason why I stayed is because of you and the other half is because I'll get more experience there than my previous volunteer experience.

Yay! Yay! I am so kinikilig! ;) I wish we could grow closer and so you'll be my kuya!! ;) I'm not dreaming of a relationship here that's intimate. I just want a kuya that I can talk and joke on to.


My second volunteer experience fighting!!!

Ma'am amai, sir roly and sir law, please take good care of me!! And please teach me as much as you could!!

My first day high ended well an I'm contented :)) I can stay 3 months or more.

The Past I Want to Remember

To the men I loved before. Yuck! Haha

I don't know why this came out from my mind but I want to write them down so this would remind me in the future :)

I don't know if this is right but this is what I feel today. Comparing two people who actually made a big impact on my life, I think now I know who's better.

Girls love guys who cares for them. But sometimes girls makes wrong calculation and I think I did too. Infatuation makes everything unbalance if you don't know how to weigh things and just follow your heart.

I think because I was with him closer and because we were in the same group, I gave my heart to him easily. And in return, I had let go of one person who actually made my life crazily happy.Haha

I don't know why did I realize it this late and we are far from each other already. I don't why memories came and I remember how stupid and happy I am before with him. He was the first one who took me on a church ad I remember my knees were shaking and I didn't let him touch my hand too while singing 'our father '. He makes me my assignment and come to our house secretly hahaha.

I just miss him. I think if we would be friends again, he could really be my bestfriend. He knows me well and he allows me to do things I want without being mad.

Ah, past is past but I miss my past ;)

Date with the Sky

After arriving from Singapore, I drowned myself to work and wasn't even able to blog my travel. From time to time I write on my iPod but since I love my work better, I always leave my paper unfinished. But now that my beloved work has reached its ending, I don't have any reasons to prolong this blog. I also love writing my experiences that's why its also a must to write them down because this would entail my life story. And the next chapter of my life starts....

It's my first time going abroad, riding on a plane. Butterflies clash on my tummy. I was palpitating. I was so nervous and the same time excited.

I was hold at the immigration. I was so scared. I was already scared riding in a plane and worst scenario came and I was afraid they won't allow me to ride on a plane. Ironic. Finally, the immigration person allowed me and I went in.

For the first time I had troubles on my tummy. I swear on my whole life it was the first time I experienced it or maybe since my memory can remember.

Then, when I was already on the plane, I was so excited for its take off that at the end I was left hanging on my expectation!!! The plane took off so long we were strolling inside the departure area because a plane is on its landing. It felt like I was on a bus. Then finally, I experience some ear troubles which is just fine. I was even experimenting waiting up to when is my limit. Haha my ears didn't hurt. And then the plane finally soars up at the sky and I was so high! The feeling was so amazing! At then I said to myself that i love flying. I love it when the plane starts to turn on the side and I get to see the sea and the land below me. I was not scared at all. It was such an amazing experience.



It was past 5pm I think when I we departed so when we arrived at Singapore it was all dark already and the city lights where dominating. I love watching lights and it's no joke that you can see best lights up in the sky. The moment I laid my eyes on my new country, I had a guessed that the country is so peaceful. Everything was in order. It was so clean and as I entered Changi airport my theory got proven. This country is so amazing and I would really love to come back again more often :))

I arrived at our hotel -our cute, wonderful hotel. I wanted to jump on top of our bed but I was shy. Haha we had a whole wall mirror which is very amazing. We had an LCD tv hanging on the wall. The room was cold and I love it! We fixed our things and immediately walked at Bugis area. As expected, the streets are so clean, people are disciplined and they don't look at you head to foot :) you can wear whatever you like and they don't eye you. When you cross the street, you push a certain button on a street light and you get to walk in pedestrian without a worry that cars would pass by and hit you. The first mall I was able to enter is the Bugis junction. We arrived past 9pm so most of the resto are closing and some are jampacked so we decided to buy food at Mcdo.

My first day. We woke up late haha! The room was so cold and I wasn't able to realize it was already lunch time. We ate our spicy corned tuna and my nori then off we went to jurong. Our target there was to shop at the stationary island and we end up hopping to some anik anik shops too. Haha we enjoyed so much we forgot that we have to go the SS4 merchandise.We ate our lunch at din tai fung and I had my soupy steamed buns :)) Mashta!

Then we went to Singapore indoor stadium late hahaha. The lines for the merchandise was shocking and so with the merch items that were mostly sold out. So we decided to just walk around and take pictures. We bid goodbye and went to another stop.

Up next was Esplanade and some malls I forgot their names hahaha. And I got stuck up to a shoe shop rubi :) I find it easy to shop there. I don't know but maybe because with the small numbers on items compared to the prices here. I mean 1S$ is 35php, so you won't actually think the item is expensive. We went to a shop that sells official merchandise of movies. They sell official posters, toys and more.

Then we walk to Marina Bay Sands.I know it's far but I really enjoyed walking there. We passed by a man made field floating on the water and I even tasted the $1 famous icecream!!!

We reached the mall and it was amazingly huge and of course items are really expensive. I got to see LV shop and just the structure of the shop is really --wow!!! We picked up my cousin's ring and we ate out. Yes, we ate at Applebees, another mall. I think we went to 2 two malls before settling on applebees :) after dinner we went to orchard malls and ate abs bought an expensive necklace at Tiffany's. It was really expensive!!! Then we went to Clarke quay for a night out :) then my first day in Sg ended so well :)))

Day two, we decided to stay at the hotel and wait for SS4 but my aunt came to fetch me and she toured me around Bugis mall, again. Haha I decided which place to go and I wanted not to go farther than our area because we need to go at the concert early.

SS4 concert started!!! Rar their name defines their group! They are truly super, although not all of them are juniors anymore hahaha. The concert lasted in about 4 hours?! And they're energy was incomparable! The show was really amazing and I enjoyed it si much I easily went to bed when we got home to hotel haha. After the concert, we went to ate abs' home and for the first time I entered a Singaporean house :) it was an apartment type condo-ish. We ate dinner there and had some chats.

Day came and it's my last shot in Singapore! T T I wanted to stay longer and I really meant for good hahaha. I fell in love in the city and I want to lie there in the future. :))

We went to vivo city and rode in the cable car to sentosa. It was so amazing as to i love heights! Haha I love being on top and watch the beautiful earth below. We played luge!!! Looked around a bit ad because it was raining we decided to set on the mall rather. Oh, we toured around with the train too. I wasn't able to see the songs of te sea but it was just fine.

We ate lunch at marshe and it was a blast!! Rar, the food is so delicious and the store is very unique! It was like picking up raw foods in the farm, hand it out to chefs and they cook it! It was like dampa type resto but in marshe, they cook meats, salad, pizza and more.

Lastly, we went to 4 malls again before heading home. Bought some pasalubongs to relative ad myself and we went back to the hotel. We arrange our luggage, called a cab and we went to Changi airport.

Our taxi driver was so friendly and at the same time very talkative! Haha he had so many stories and he was so funny! Then we arrived at the airport. We checked in aloud luggage, went in for a last minute shop and had our dinner! We had the famouse Singaporean steamed chicken in a rice.it was just a typical chicken in a rice but it was steamed and it's a must to eat one when going to Singapore, my cousin said.while walking to our waiting area, I saw a big bear and I immediately posed to take a picture :))

Then we entered the plane and got seated. I was looking forward to watching the sky and the city lights again at the same time sad for going home here in the Philippines.

I was so blessed I or seated beside the city hunter man. Haha joke! Ate manta , was like Minho with the mask! We ate merienda again as the rest was history. My eyes were glued on my windows and I enjoyed every moment that I can watch in it.

So long Singapore and I'll be back again soon! Next time lets have a blast of tour again! Thank you for giving the the best vacation ever! Thank you for Super Junior and your great place!!

When we arrived past 12am of march21, kuya topher came to fetch her bride at the airport. We arrived home at 2am? And I still went searching on the Internet and I think I went to sleep past 3am already. I can't contain my happiness that day and t the same time in longing for Singapore. Haha

My vacation was so great that every single moment is sill fresh on my mind until now. I am so grateful to my family, specially ate manta for giving me the opportunity to travel abroad. FYI: ate manta handled my expenses- all my expenses and it was all for free. She's really amazing right? I am so blessed because of her. :)) thank you ate manta! I love you very much!! Your the best!!!

What had made me love this country?
1. Transportation is really accessible! I was able to ride all lines of their MRT. I was able to ride their double decker bus! Rode on a cable car :)

2. I love their malls!!!

3. Citizens are really nice. They are really friendly!

4. You'll be safe here~ haha try are very disciplined. Their waiting area on train stations even have gates so no one will fall at the rail. My favorite station was circle line!

5. Everything is clean and organized. You can enjoy even at their parks! They have so many places for you to visit!

My overall verdict is ������������

It's not complete five stars because is till have so many places left to visit since we had little time left. But believe me even with my short stay, I have enjoyed every single moment I had with Singapore. Their county is worth the visit! I wish I can come back soon!

My travel was like being on cloud nine. It was so amazing and heaven and that's why I called it date with the sky ;)

I'll come back Singapore!!!!

Manic Monday

It's just another manic Monday

I wish it was Sunday

'Cause that's my funday

My I don't have to runday

It's just another manic Monday

I don't hate today. I'm just a little bit sad. I'm not complaining because I don't have the right. I hurler want to rant and let go of the things I have in mind that actually keeping them torment be everytime.

As I have said on my previous post, Im having a dilemma on either choosing between my bestfriend and a a certain hospital. I've been scrutinizing each side to get a final decision but still I haven't decide not until now that my bestfriend got lucky on a hospital. She finally got in on a hospital that doesn't require you on training. I think she is already employed and will be starting tomorrow . Yes, I'll be lying if I said I'm not jealous. Of course everybody wants to have work with pay already since I need to help my family too. In some way, I need to earn and live independently.but in happy for her. I guess this is the answer to my prayers already. Ibe been asking God to help me where should I go and with what happened today I guess I have te answer at hand already. My bestfriend is such a nice person. I admire her too but she always look down on herself. This is the time for her to shine and im just so happy for her.

We deserve to be happy and she had finally got her happiness. I, too have it!! I may have to train and work for free but that's already a blessing. I know God has His reasons into why He gave me this work and I'm willing to discover why. I am His instrument and I'll do good to prove I'm worthy of everything He gave me.

Lord, I might be still lonely at heart. I mean this day might be a sad day for me but overall this day is still wonderful!! I'm getting well, I'm still alive, I still have the people I love and still I have you in my life. Everything has a reason and I believe that this reasons would make me a better person. There's more to life that I need to discover and learn but whatever it is please guide me so I can take them down one by one !!! Another manic Monday to come?! Uhuh!! No problem!! Whatever it is that may come I will entertain!!! Fighting!!!

*ah for a commercial.. Hay since I can't post it on twitter because my aunt follows me and even on fb cause my aunt and cousins are my friends, decided to write it down here!!!!

Ong, my knees are trembling and I can't believe what I saw!!! I can't believe I'll be seeing his face on another person?!!! How come they look alike?! As in they can be mistaken as a twin!! How come he really looks like him! Aish. This only proves that I'm not yet ready to face him if we will meet!! T T this is really a crazy Monday!!!

* grammar/ typo problems?! Sorry I'm actually typing on my iPod and I'm so tinatamad to check them here kasi maduduling Lang ako! Please understand. Thank you!

Dream High

Hindi ako makamove on! I'm still reminiscing those scenes. Im still wishing and hoping that, that was not a dream- When your lips dampened in mine.

I don't know what was I thinking last night that you unexpectedly appeared in my dreams!!! Was I was thinking of you all the time? But I'm not!!! Cause I was thinking and planning on to what clothes shall I bring on my travel. Although yesterday morning, I was searching for your pictures. Argh, 3 years of difference...it's perfect right?!!!

I want to be with you!! I want to stare on your face every time. I want to listen you sing with those very manly voice. I want to sleep on you arms. I want to cuddle with you all the time!!! I want to have a future with you!!! Damn!

My Dilemma

Here's my dilemma

One half of me wants you
And the other half wants forget
My my my dilemma
From the moment I met you
And I just can't get you out of my head
And I tell myself to run from you
But I found myself attracted to my dilemma
My dilemma
It's you, it's you

Now i' doomed. Its like choosing between the one i love and my best friend. Making decisions have been my biggest problem!! Because i particularly inspect every tiny aspect of every decision at the end it gets me ti nowhere.

i'm actually afraid to go out to my shell but im trying to do it this past days. im trying to change myself for the better but it seems im on my limitation and im afraid to decide again.


i met new friends and they kept me entertained. They are my road buddies for we have traveled together looking for hospitals. I guess, friends can't really be together forever. i mean, in the future we will have our own path to take. in the future, we wont be holding on to each hands but i know we will still be contact.

now it seems we are about to end the happiness of being together and actually face the future we have. we can't rely on each other forever. We have to get out and try to be independent for once.

i think im having a seperation anxiety now that im really having dilemma on what to do, where to go, how am i going to make a good decision.

a friend said that i should choose where i am happy at but still i need to consider that i wont hurt anyone. but it seems that if not about to hurt anyone, im going to hurt myself. my wings are ready to spread but i cant just spread it out wide.

im on a dilemma and i don't know what to do. i need to decide so as to inform people and actually let us start preparing.

oh, Lord please help me to decide!!!

Perpetual Happiness

The Lord says we have to be patient and that we should keep our faith strong. I waited and let God lead me the way. I asked for one and He gave me four. Isn't He so good? Now I'm having headache for the decision hahaha

Today I went for an orientation at North Caloocan Doctors hospital. I really like the hospital because even though it's small, the people there are really kind and amazing. I felt like I could actually fit in and I have visualized myself working there already.

Then came the problem.perpetual help of Manila sent a message that I was chosen for a 2 month training. The hospital is bigger than north Caloocan. Then after lunch another text came from Caritas. It was the head asking for an interview on Monday, 2pm!!! I'm doomed right? I don't know what to do already. Im confused unto transferring to another hospital but leaving my bestfriend. It's hard!!! Then when I thought I have made a decision 75% ready, perpetual succor texted for a psychological exam too!!! Omg! My brain in overheating and is about to explode!!!

Now every prayer that I asked is being given. Everything is being fulfilled and I'm just so honored and happy for everything although on the other side I'm currently having a dilemma here and there but I know God will help me find the light.

I'm just so happy tonight because a lot of opportunities are coming! Every sweat we had for applying here and there got rewarded!!! This had been a great day!!!! I love you Lord!!

Thank you perpetual!!!

The Moon that Embraces the Sun

We fell in love young. We offered our hearts early. We gave everything at early age but what we don't have in common is that she still deserves his love while I don't.

I'm trapped inside and I don't know how to get out. I'm empty and don't know how will I fill in myself. Maybe I'm already broken. I may still be living and smiling trying to pick up my pieces but everytime I feel I'm close to complete, I drop myself again. Could it be that I'm cursed? Could it be that you cast a spell so my heart won't return to me? I'm so confused. I know I have give it a go and let you live alone. I have made myself stupid for admitting I'm still hurting but why can't you just leave? You have taken all of me without my knowing and it seems that you don't want to return it back to me. I'm doomed right? I'm so stupid!ive been crying and dying while you are going happy with her. I wish I could turn back the time and have chosen to hold on.i should have fought for you. I should've been strong. But what am I going to do? Your not mine anymore but it seems that my heart knows his owner more than I.

I wish I could find my heart back and stop it from breaking. I wish I could find the person who could actually take my heart away from you. I don't know if I'm overacting but even how much I tell myself that I have moved on at the end of the day, my heart still belongs to you.

Someone actually let me remember how much I love you before and now everything seems to fit in. Why haven't I love someone seriously? Why cant I fall? It's because I'm still hoping we could work out. Argh, I wish someone could snatch my heart away from you because I know yu won't take care of my heart anymore. You only have one heart too, and your heart have found its partner.

I'm too pitiful right? Maybe be slowly admitting this, I might actually bring out everything that is hidden inside me until I have nothing. And hopefully after taking out all of this I can start again. It's been 8 years and I think I'm too tired already. The sun can never have two moons in the sky.

Horoscope

My horoscope said a Libra like me can read people and we do it well. And now the premonition is right. i was able to figure out something that lead my heart to bleed.

i cherish friendship like its my life. yes, i get jealous to something and i can't even understand why. Years of friendship, how long you had each others side.. i really treasure those.

but my heart got broken this time. and a boy didn't caused it.

i know i don't have the right but it saddens me, i even want to cry.

i don't know why but im hurting. those simple words/sentences, why can't you just say to me.

i know you have reasons but you let tears fall into my cheeks tonight. my heart is aching remembering seeing you smile last time. its just too hard. im overacting right? but those stories which made you feel scared, i feel so bad i wasnt even there to give you comfort.

oh, im crying tonight because i feel i lost a friend.

Stars

Stars are defined as A fixed luminous point in the night sky that is a large, remote incandescent body like the sun. They can also be the artists we look up too. They can be seen as the light in the sky and they can also mean our dreams we want to reach.

There are so many attachments to stars but what I have learned today or probably relearned today is different. It said stars can live up to 2.5 millions and after dying they can live again the same star as they before, meeting the others stars he was with before. On the said drama, the girl said that the life of the star is same as the people. They live, die and after 2.5 million years, she will be born and live like before. He said after that thing will come true, she would still choose the life she has and live with the people she is with. She said, definitely even after being born again, she might still like the person she loves now.

Isn't it amazing? Love is the most powerful of all. Love can do and move all things. It is just so romantic.

In my case, I think I would also choose to live with my family. I still want to be born as an Alconis and be with sisters and friends I have. My life might have been a struggle but I have come used with it. Life doesn't only offer happiness ad I know I will battle more problems in the future but thinking I won't win won't give any help. I guess hesitating and becoming always afraid should end up here. I think I should end thinking, what if I won't do good? What if I fail? And start with trying my best to prove I am worthy with that position. I know I'm not perfect but I can learn how to be in my own little way :)

No matter what happens I will still choose to be with my family.i will still choose to be a nurse. I would still choose to perform and be the happiness for my parents ;)

What I am just thinking now is in 2.5 million years will I fight the love u had before? Will I hold on and keep you?

You're Beatiful to me :)

I'm never sure about my feelings from the start. It might be just another puppy love but what im sure is I smile differently everytime I think about him.:)

I don't know why but as I saw the MTV of beautiful to me by Christian Bautista, I remember him. And now he consistently visits my mind :)

My mind becomes active most of the time and there are wild ideas I create. I daydream that we are a couple and I imagine him playing with me. I mean cuddling, literally playing, running around.Haha he is quite older than I am but we have this same side that can actually make us work out just right. I wish I can make this dream a reality but I know I'll be just a little girl in his eyes.:( but whatever it is I'm happy even with just a thought of it. Maybe, I'm not yet ready to enter a serious relationship and I don't want to be hasty and fail again just like before. Been hurt thrice and i don't want to add some more, I guess. Hay, but im willing to be hurt basta siya! Haha

Ooh my wild imagination.;) kahit sang Angulo kasi, he is the best man. Well not for the whole world but for the guys I know. Mas maganda nga siya kesa sakin! My heart hasn't soften yet so this crush things just works for me. You're beautiful to me kuya!!!

I need HELP

Last January 25, I went to a free seminar of PNA. It was about physical assessment for hospitalized patient. The moment I saw it being advertised on the internet, I didn't think twice to enroll in the said seminar. I wasn't wrong, because I found the seminar very helpful. What was done was like a lecture in a classroom. Although most of the topics were already taught at school, it was nice to hear them once again. After taking the board exam, I never opened my notebooks/books anymore. I went on a vacation and so with my brain. I still remember some but it didn't give me full reassurance. That's why the seminar was very helpful because now I'm sure about the things I know plus new knowledge was added at the same time.

But what was actually more heart pinching experience was when we had the focus group discussion. At first nurses were asking for clarification then suddenly everyone was asking advice and sharing their own opinions on our status nowadays. I never felt sleeply on the seminar but I was teary eyed sometimes. They were sharing experiences that are not legal but still they were able to succeed. I heard one said that she had 67 patients then most shocking was the guy who had 80 during typhoons. I just realized that becoming a nurse needs really to be a bearer of good heart. I mean institutions give so much work and in return payments are really low, some doesnt even get a single peso. Hard right? But we chose this kind of caring work and enable to stand a long time, you must have great love for nursing to survive. I was really swayed by the way they talk. I realized, there are still nurses who really cares and are willing to sacrifice for the patients good. That's why they are asking for help. Help to increase wages. Help to increase numbers of nurses working and help to understand them. I was really moved in the seminar. As a newbie, I need to learn a lot and at the same time strengthen the beliefs I have so it can guide me for a long time.

Still I'm not yet working so the help I'm asking is quite different to theirs. They may be asking for delegation of work but I'm asking for work. But whatever help we are asking, I know we have the same goals and aspirations in life and it is to improve, save, lengthen peoples lives.

We are not just around to do procedures but we are actually here to let them feel secured. We are here to help them lose those frights. We are here as an extended family.